I accidentally had phone sex last night
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
