She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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