Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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