you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
