Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
