Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
