Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
