you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
