why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
