Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
