Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
