I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
