Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
