i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
