I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
