i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
