dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Your cock deserves a montage
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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