It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
