you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
