Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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