He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I would ride that face into the sunset
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
