Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
