i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
