I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
