I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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