all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
