so that wasnt chicken after all
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
