I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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