I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
