I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
false alarm. still invincible.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
