Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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