you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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