I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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