my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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