Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
