we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
