brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
