not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
