i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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