Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
