I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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