This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
