Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
