I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
