DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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