Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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