I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
