The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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