I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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