Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize