in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
