He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
