i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
